waffle face

I think my mask has gotten a lot tighter since they made it... or my face has gotten a lot fatter in the last few weeks.  I am hoping it is the former, but who really knows?

I just started my third week of radiation.  Radiation is... okay... not that bad... a lot better than chemo... but let's be honest, it's no fun.

Everyday I make the 40 minute drive to Ann Arbor.  A friend from church has set up a drive schedule for me so most of the days someone from church drives me.  Except on Monday, that's when my brother Patrick takes me there.  It's been really great thus far because everyday I have the chance to have a good conversation with someone new.  It's quite lovely actually.

I get to radiation, sign in, and go get changed.  I only have to wear a gown on top so I still get to wear my pants and shoes.  There is a waiting room where all the gowned patients wait.  My first day I chatted with a couple other people waiting for radiation.  I find myself not being very reserved when it comes to cancer.  In the waiting room I just asked the various people what kind of cancer they have.  I found that as time has gone by I have become less and less coy about it.  When I was first at school and getting all those tests done to figure out what was wrong with me I never really said the word 'cancer'.  Or if someone asked me how I was I always said fine, even though I was very not fine.  As time went by I kind of got tired of trying to protect others, so I just started saying exactly what I was thinking and exactly how I was feeling.  I know the exact moment when I lost all coyness.  In the bookstore I ran into a friend I used to work with and we chatted for a moment.  He asked how I was and I said I'm good, but I have cancer.  Whoops.  Probably wasn't necessary to tell him like that.  Oh well.  Since then I have been unabashed with this illness.  So nobody else needs to be shy or coy about it with me either.

The radiation techs come fetch me from the waiting room and we go to the treatment room.  I lie down on a table and they secure me by putting my mask on and attaching it to the table.  They have to secure my shoulders as well.  If you can imagine a swing, how it has a board and two chains coming up.. that is similar to what I have to hold.  There is a board that my feet are on and the two ropes coming up have handles on them that I hold.  It pulls my shoulders down.  When my treatment began it was incredibly uncomfortable.  I would whine and complain about it acting in general like a big wimp.  But now it doesn't bother me so much.

Everyday thus far they have scanned me with a CT scan to make sure I am in the correct positioning... and then the radiation starts.  It's really just a couple minutes long, two maximum.  Two beeps indicating the radiation is happening, and I'm done.  Home until the next day when it starts all over again.

I have been meeting the most incredible people.  People who have beaten the most staggering odds.  Those that have the greatest outlook on life.  It's kind of strange but... it makes me grateful for my own problems, for my own cancer.  It's amazing what a bit of perspective can do.

2 done.  5 to go.  Then I'm done... at least for a bit.

The tardis gives me a waffle face whenever I wear it.

unpublished tumor photos

As I wrote in my first post... I didn't know about the bump behind my ear until a doctor pointed it out to me.  Which is kind of pitiful because it was a very large bump.  

Here are a couple old pictures of my pesky bump that have not graced the blogging world.

These two were taken before my surgery in Utah.  The 'yes' is there so the surgeons knew they were operating on the correct thing.  It would have been pretty disappointing to wake up with a tumor and no tonsils.

I initially got a CT scan.  I looked at the disc of the images in my lab and we were all trying to figure out where the tumor was.  We concluded it was the white circle on the left side of this picture.  We got it wrong... 

We weren't even in the correct slice of my head.  I don't know how we missed the tumor on the right side of this next image.  Apparently CT scans and MRI images are backwards.  The right side of the image is actually the left side of the head.

After I got my MRI I remember sitting in my Bacterial Pathogenesis class and staring at the pictures of my tumor on my laptop.  I couldn't stop thinking, "What are you?" "What effect are you going to have on my life?"  The MRI images were a lot clearer than the CT scans.

This is a view from behind.  I'm so muscular.

Well the tumor is gone... and much of the muscle in my neck.  On Monday I start radiation for only 7 weeks!  Almost there.

the mask

If only this post were about this mask...

Instead it is about my blue mask.  Today I was fitted for the mask I am going to wear during radiation.  You can't move at all during radiation because many beams are being shot through you and they need to hit very specified areas.  For some cases, in order in insure accuracy, the patient is tattooed at the point where the beam will hit.  My father had cancer when I was a senior in high school and this is what they did for him.  He still has little dot tattoos from when he had radiation.  I never expected to get any tattoos, ever.  Alas, I will not have to.  Instead I get a mask.  Today was just my radiation simulation, not the actual radiation, so I am a little foggy on the exact details of the process... Apparently I will lay on a table and my mask will be placed on my face and shoulders, and they will sort of "screw" it into place in the table... so I really can't move at all.  Then I will get radiation for like 5-10 minutes.  They'll unscrew the mask and I am off on my way.  I will do this everyday Monday-Friday for 6-7 weeks.  Could be worse.
Today they had me change into a gown and they laid me on a table to get a CT scan.  It was unlike any other CT scan I have had before.  They taped wire around my flap on my neck so it was clear in the CT scan.

The flap looks really good... right?

I had to hold on tight to some handles to pull my shoulders down so they had a better shot at my neck.  Then they took this warmed blue plastic to mold the mask out of.  I had to stay very still while they molded it around my face.  It is very tight fitting.  Apparently even facial hair messes it up and men have to shave before they can be fitted for their mask.

After the mask hardened they fixed me down, did a quick CT scan, took it off and gave me a tour of the radiation center.  Should all be very simple next time I am there.

By the way... I named my mask.  It is called 'The Tardis'.

a way to help...

This is a really hard blogpost to write.
It's hard to forgo my pride and address this.

Many want to know how to help me.  It's difficult because other than the couple weeks after my surgeries I haven't been ill.  I wish it were as easy as chicken noodle soup.

Having and beating cancer is really expensive.  I have started working at Dairy Queen again to fund as much as I can... but minimum wage doesn't get you too far.

So, my family is running a fundraiser for me.  My cousin owns an Outback Steakhouse and on June 21 we are doing a luncheon to raise money where all the proceeds will go towards my medical bills.  My cousin is taking a big hit here, but that doesn't matter to him.  The meal will be delicious and it will be so much fun to all be together and what not.  There will be items up for raffle and it will be a good reason to take a long lunch.  Just make sure to RSVP to my mom.  My aunt made a flyer with the details of the event and it is at the bottom of this post.

I also realize that many of the people that love me and want to help don't live in the area.  That's why this blog exists, right?  So, if you'd like to help, you're welcome to donate to help me pay for my medical bills.

You can send any donation to our home:
20125 Silver Spring Dr.
Northville, MI 48167

Or we set up a PayPal account.  If you set up a PayPal account you can click the 'Send Money' tab and enter in my email address, kharri12@yahoo.com .  It is probably easier and more secure.


Thank you all so much for your support and love.  Thank you for reading this and being a part of this odyssey. (I was going to write journey, but I didn't like it.  So I looked up synonyms and odyssey came up.  Kind of fitting, right?)  So come to the luncheon!  If you can't come and you'd still like to help then make a donation.  Thank you thank you.

Also, this is the note attached that my Aunt Kim wrote about the event:

Please come and join us to help celebrate that 'Katie is kicking cancer's keister'!

This very special woman has been a joy to so many of us and we need your help to lighten the financial burden that she has incurred since her fight against cancer.  Katie just had her second surgery and is doing very well.

As most of you know Katie is a student attending a college in Utah.  Funds are very limited.  We are fortunate enough to have Outback Steakhouse host a luncheon on Katie's behalf.  The donation price for a ticket is $20.00 to enjoy a great meal and support our beautiful girl, Katie.  There will be raffle gifts that have been generously donated to help generate more money for Katie.  100% of the proceeds will be donated to Katie.

The date for this event will be June 21, 2013 from 11:00am to 1:00pm.

RSVP no later than 6/1/2013.  You must call Trish Harris at 248-347-1778 to reserve your seat (seating in the restaurant is limited).

We do realize that this is a work day for most of us but, lets all BLOW it OFF and do something wonderful for a very special person.
(Let's face it, we all take sick days for less of a reason!)
If you cannot attend the luncheon please consider a monetary donation to Katie.  Make checks payable to Katie Harris.

Outback Steakhouse
6203 Orchard Lake Road
West Bloomfield, MI 48322

it's getting better all the time

Nothing significant has happened recently... things are just getting better.

My aunt is in the hospital after getting surgery yesterday.  My dad and I went and visited her today.  It's nice not being the one in the hospital for once.  It was good to be the one sitting in the chair rather than laying in the bed.  It was good to finally be able to serve someone else by visiting them.

I've been frustrated lately trying to figure out how to get better.  Do I exercise?  Do I lay in bed or sit on the couch?  How tired is too tired for someone a couple weeks post surgery?  What kind of exercises can I possibly do with my neck and back so disheveled?  Today I couldn't take it any longer.  Mom and I went to the gym so I could walk.  I need exercise!  I need movement!  I walked on the treadmill for like 45 minutes watching Dr. Who on my phone.  I wasn't power walking or anything, but I wasn't sitting on the couch.  Little victory of the day.

I feel like I should end this post with something super inspirational.  Hm... Don't take life for granted!  Or more applicably... Don't take your sturdy neck and back and ability to move freely for granted!  Not so catchy though... Probably won't be seeing that saying on bumper stickers anytime soon.

Picture of the day:

Tori and I playing piano before church

P.S. Can you name the song the title of this post comes from?

3 hours later

Oh... do you feel like you are looking into the past?  Looking into an entrance way of a Victorian house from the 1800s?  Katie... how on earth did you find this picture clearly from the 1800s in such pristine condition?  I colored it.  Wow!  Can you believe that?  The Bachelor was 3 hours long tonight... and let's be honest, the show isn't that good.  I need to do something else while watching it.  I know I should stop watching this nonsense.... but Chris Harrison just keeps me hooked.

Today I had my follow up appointment at UofM.  Both Dr. Ward and Dr. Kang were there, and they are two of my favorite people, so I was really pleased to see them.  I have had a drain in my neck since my surgery that I have been hiding every time I am out in public.  Tucking away the tube and pinning it to my shirt and what not.  It's been a pain.  Not that I have been going out in public a lot.  Once to get about 8 inches of my hair chopped off... once to go to Church.  Regardless, no one wants to see a bag filled with my blood and fluids.  Not even me.  I'm lucky to have the mother I do who has been so willing to empty out my drain.  But today, finally, Dr. Kang took out my tube.  Now this thing has been in my skin for nearly two weeks so it was not wanting to come out.  I was sitting in the chair bent over, complementing Dr. Kang on his Nikes, when he yanked it out.  "Hey, Dr. Kang.  Are your shoes new?  They're really.. ahhhhhhhhhh."  Dang.  It hurt.  Then he had to take a giant syringe to another part of my back, which also was very unpleasant.  Dr. Ward said he made Dr. Kang, his fellow, do these less enjoyable things so I would still like him.  I continue to love Dr. Ward proving he took the right course.  But I can't hate Dr. Kang because he kept bribing me with candy while I was in the office.  Those Hasbro frog gummies.  Really yummy.  And persuasive of love.

So, not much will be happening between now and the 25th of this month when I will meet again with my radiation oncologist and we will start the plans for radiation.  They will make a mask/face cage thing that I will wear during my radiation sessions and we will just prepare everything else.  I don't exactly know what "everything else" entails, but I'm not too worried about it.  So until then I just need to heal.  Keep doing my neck exercises, going to physical therapy, I need to just get better.  I don't like sitting around, but it's hard for me to gauge what is too much.  I'm sure I'll find a good balance over the upcoming months....

So keep posted as to what is coming up.  Oh, and this is what I look like post haircut... Dr. Kang said it looks really good and I look like a "new woman".  Dr. Ward said, "Oh.. well that doesn't look bad." :)

home

Yesterday the doctors gave me the go ahead and released me home.  Driving on the freeway kind of messed with my senses.  I guess because I haven't walked very fast in the past week... and you wouldn't believe how messed up my senses are.  I mean, they cut out a ton of my neck.  I think it may be the pain drugs I'm on.  But seriously, moving my head too fast and turning the wheelchair too fast makes me dizzy let alone a car on the freeway.
So.  I'm home.  I got to sleep through the night last night!  No being awoken every 2 hours to get my vitals taken.  There have only been a couple problems since I've been home.  Last night I was taking my medicine before bed and kind of choked taking my first pill.  I think it broke and I inhaled some of the powder.  I just started coughing like crazy and during every breath I took the rest of the night I was wheezing like mad.  It really freaked me out.  I was convinced I had it down in my lungs.  I called the doctor that was on call and he said he was "pretty sure" I would be okay.  How perfect would that be?  I survive this major surgery, survive cancer, and die my first night home from a pill.  Of course that didn't happen... I am writing this blog... but it would have been kind of nuts, right?
Second problem... Today was largely spent with my sister in law, Lauren.  I spent a week in bed with the same bun on my head, and when I took it out the majority of my hair was in a knot.  Literally, a knot.  The core of it was hard as a rock.  Lauren spent 5 hours trying to get it out.  She used conditioner, other hair products, olive oil, knitting needles.... and she couldn't get the majority of the knot out.  She ended up cutting it out.  I didn't realize she cut it out until it was in front of my face, unattached to my head.  I had a minor freakout...  But she spent so much time and saved a ton of my hair still.  I'm so grateful for the time she spent.  I'm gonna get my haircut on Saturday. Hopefully they'll say they can turn the short part into layers and not have to cut all my hair up to my chin.  Let's be honest, nobody wants to see the flap on the back of my neck.

Okay.  My dad keeps huffing next to me because he is quite impatient.  It is time to do my neck exercises.  They're actually pretty hard right now...