done done done

Today was my last day of radiation.  Can you believe it?  6 weeks are done.  I am done with radiation!

When I first began radiation it was pretty difficult because I wasn't too friendly.  I would go, lay there for the radiation, and leave.  I wouldn't really talk to my techs.  A couple weeks in I changed my attitude and got friendlier and then actually started enjoying my radiation.  Really, those radiation therapists deserve an award because of how they positively changed my life.  I saw them everyday and we would banter and tease one another and what not.  Is it weird that I'm going to miss going to radiation?  Although I'm sure I will be fine soon enough because of the 2 hours I have back everyday.

This morning I woke up to go running and decided to make cookies for my radiation therapists instead. Ian Cookies.  You know the ones I'm talking about?  Oatmeal chocolate chip.  Really yummy.  Well, it took longer than expected so mom and I took the last batch out of the oven, threw them on a plate and rushed to Ann Arbor.

Got changed, went to the waiting room with my cookies, and heard my name called one last time.  My cute therapist stopped by to say goodbye before a meeting and we all got a picture.

It's too bad he had his hair in a ponytail...

Had my session and would you know it, the last song that came on was 'Casimir Pulaski Day'.  Hopefully the story in that song remains the opposite of my story.

When I was fitted for my mask the radiation therapists told me a few things to reassure me... some of those were not true.  Like as they strapped my mask to the table they told me to not worry, if I really wanted I could pull up on my mask and it would detach from the table.  Lie.  I tried this today.  My therapists knew it was coming so they first lowered the table and then let me try.  All I did was increase the noticeability of the waffle marks on my face from pushing on the TARDIS so hard.  I gave up pretty quickly.  Oh well.  They gave me my TARDIS mask to take home.  I don't know what to do with it.  Run over it with a car?  Hang it up on my wall as a piece of art?  I am open to suggestions.

I said goodbye to my therapists and told them that I hope I never see them again.  Had an appointment with Dr. Eisbruch.  Told him how much I enjoyed my radiation experience and he offered me more radiation... I politely declined.  Left University of Michigan Hospital for a long time...

Driving away from the hospital.

Well.. only until Monday when I have an appointment with Dr. Ward.  You can't win everything, right?

a genuine redneck

Today I had my first 3 month follow up appointment with Dr. Chugh, my medical oncologist.  I got an x-ray of my chest and my lungs are still clear!  So relieving.  She's going to set me up with an oncologist in Salt Lake for when I am back at school because I will have to be checked every 3 months for quite a while.  Dr. Chugh is pretty amazing and is going beyond what is expected to make sure the care I get is the best.

After my appointment with Dr. Chugh I had radiation.  This is my sixth week of radiation.  I can't believe it has gone by so quickly.  I mostly see the same radiation therapists everyday and have become friends of sorts with them.  Today we bantered back and forth, talked about the music I have on, my new shoes... They made fun of me for said new shoes.  They asked me to explain hashtags.  Let's be honest, they aren't that much older than me, just a couple of years.  They should know what hashtags are.  One of my therapists is only 29 and he has long, flowing dark hair and rides a motorcycle.  Basically he's a total babe.  Today I was going to ask him if he could take me on a ride on this motorcycle... and I noticed the ring on his left hand just in time.  That could have been embarrassing.  I thought it was only at BYU that I had to be so conscious of married men.

I met with Dr. Eisbruch, my radiation oncologist, and he asked me about my symptoms and neck and what not.  I told him my neck was getting super red.  He looked at it and responded, 'oh, yeah, that's a bit red.'  Not as dramatic as I thought.  But really, I am a genuine redneck.  I may be lacking a car parked in my front yard and a first cousin as a boyfriend, but my neck is very red.  Apparently it will get worse until a couple days after my radiation therapy ends, and then it will decrease in redness.  It doesn't bother me too much because my hair mostly hides it and I'm numb there anyways so I can't feel the burn.

Such a distinctive red line

Dr. Eisbruch's resident, Dr. Shumway, is a BYU grad.  Dr. Eisbruch mentioned today that I am studying microbiology at BYU, and of course Dr. Shumway has taken many of the same classes as I have.  He mentioned in particular Dr. Bridgewater and Dr. Evans having a great impact on him.  So cool that he remembers them and their teaching so long after the fact.

a bit over... half way there

I'm not the biggest Bon Jovi fan, so I couldn't post this when I was exactly half way there.

Radiation is going well!  4 weeks down, 3 to go.  Every Monday I meet with Dr. Eisbruch and this past Monday he asked me if I was losing any hair yet.  I responded 'no' as I reached up to touch the buzzed part of my hair from my surgery and brought my hand back with a clump of hair in it.  I change my answer to yes.  Yes, I am definitely losing hair.  I recalled seeing little hairs on my jacket and thinking it was dog hair.  I don't have a dog.  It was my hair.  Whoops.  I haven't lost much yet, and hopefully I won't lose much more.  Any hair loss will be localized to where they are doing the radiation, so just the hair that is struggling to grow after being shaved twice.
I expected to have more side effects at this point but I hardly have any.  I have the slight hair loss and then a sunburn/tan in the area where the radiation hits my skin.  So I have a circular tan that covers a bit of my cheek and then most of my neck.  It's so obvious to me, but I don't think anyone else will notice it.
This past week I was babysitting and one of the little girls asked me what happened to my neck.  I told her I had surgery and she asked why and if I was okay and whatnot.  It was so innocent and really quite cute.  Kids are so curious and so accepting of the things they find out.  She just wanted to make sure that I was okay.  It was starkly different from the day I was on BYU campus after my surgery to withdraw from all my classes and take care of other business.  The day a random girl stood behind me and asked "What is wrong with your neck?"  Not so innocent and non-judgmental and cute.  If only we could have the innocence of little children for longer.

a glimpse into my future?

Ever since I declared myself as a microbiology major my sophomore year of college I have been unsure as to what I would do with my degree.  Should I be a dentist?  Should I pursue research?  While I'm still unsure as to exactly what I want to do, I have more ideas.  As of late I have been interested in genetic counseling.  I first learned about it last semester in a careers class and it sounded interesting.

I met with a genetic counselor today.  Victoria.  Because of my age and my type of cancer my oncologist thought it was prudent to check for any genetic conditions that would have caused my cancer.  Victoria was pretty wonderful.  She first explained that only about 10% of cancers are caused by genetic mutations... but they are checking me just in case.  Victoria asked about my family history and constructed my family tree as my mom and I tried to recall all the health issues the dear old Harris family has experienced.  She said if I have a genetic condition it is most likely something called Li-Fraumeni syndrome, which is a mutation in gene p53, a tumor suppressor gene.  It is a dominant gene so if I have it my siblings and other family members will have to be checked as well.  Li-Fraumeni syndrome puts one at a much higher risk to develop cancer.  If this is something I have then I will have to be checked for other types of cancer earlier than most people.  I most likely don't have this mutation, like I'm nearly 100% sure that I do not, but it is better to be safe and sure.  My blood sample is being shipped to California to be tested and hopefully I'll have results in the next month or so. :)

Meeting with Victoria has helped me realize how cool genetic counseling is.  You help people and still have to be smart and scientific in your thinking.  So... who knows?  Perhaps that is where my future lies...

waffle face

I think my mask has gotten a lot tighter since they made it... or my face has gotten a lot fatter in the last few weeks.  I am hoping it is the former, but who really knows?

I just started my third week of radiation.  Radiation is... okay... not that bad... a lot better than chemo... but let's be honest, it's no fun.

Everyday I make the 40 minute drive to Ann Arbor.  A friend from church has set up a drive schedule for me so most of the days someone from church drives me.  Except on Monday, that's when my brother Patrick takes me there.  It's been really great thus far because everyday I have the chance to have a good conversation with someone new.  It's quite lovely actually.

I get to radiation, sign in, and go get changed.  I only have to wear a gown on top so I still get to wear my pants and shoes.  There is a waiting room where all the gowned patients wait.  My first day I chatted with a couple other people waiting for radiation.  I find myself not being very reserved when it comes to cancer.  In the waiting room I just asked the various people what kind of cancer they have.  I found that as time has gone by I have become less and less coy about it.  When I was first at school and getting all those tests done to figure out what was wrong with me I never really said the word 'cancer'.  Or if someone asked me how I was I always said fine, even though I was very not fine.  As time went by I kind of got tired of trying to protect others, so I just started saying exactly what I was thinking and exactly how I was feeling.  I know the exact moment when I lost all coyness.  In the bookstore I ran into a friend I used to work with and we chatted for a moment.  He asked how I was and I said I'm good, but I have cancer.  Whoops.  Probably wasn't necessary to tell him like that.  Oh well.  Since then I have been unabashed with this illness.  So nobody else needs to be shy or coy about it with me either.

The radiation techs come fetch me from the waiting room and we go to the treatment room.  I lie down on a table and they secure me by putting my mask on and attaching it to the table.  They have to secure my shoulders as well.  If you can imagine a swing, how it has a board and two chains coming up.. that is similar to what I have to hold.  There is a board that my feet are on and the two ropes coming up have handles on them that I hold.  It pulls my shoulders down.  When my treatment began it was incredibly uncomfortable.  I would whine and complain about it acting in general like a big wimp.  But now it doesn't bother me so much.

Everyday thus far they have scanned me with a CT scan to make sure I am in the correct positioning... and then the radiation starts.  It's really just a couple minutes long, two maximum.  Two beeps indicating the radiation is happening, and I'm done.  Home until the next day when it starts all over again.

I have been meeting the most incredible people.  People who have beaten the most staggering odds.  Those that have the greatest outlook on life.  It's kind of strange but... it makes me grateful for my own problems, for my own cancer.  It's amazing what a bit of perspective can do.

2 done.  5 to go.  Then I'm done... at least for a bit.

The tardis gives me a waffle face whenever I wear it.

unpublished tumor photos

As I wrote in my first post... I didn't know about the bump behind my ear until a doctor pointed it out to me.  Which is kind of pitiful because it was a very large bump.  

Here are a couple old pictures of my pesky bump that have not graced the blogging world.

These two were taken before my surgery in Utah.  The 'yes' is there so the surgeons knew they were operating on the correct thing.  It would have been pretty disappointing to wake up with a tumor and no tonsils.

I initially got a CT scan.  I looked at the disc of the images in my lab and we were all trying to figure out where the tumor was.  We concluded it was the white circle on the left side of this picture.  We got it wrong... 

We weren't even in the correct slice of my head.  I don't know how we missed the tumor on the right side of this next image.  Apparently CT scans and MRI images are backwards.  The right side of the image is actually the left side of the head.

After I got my MRI I remember sitting in my Bacterial Pathogenesis class and staring at the pictures of my tumor on my laptop.  I couldn't stop thinking, "What are you?" "What effect are you going to have on my life?"  The MRI images were a lot clearer than the CT scans.

This is a view from behind.  I'm so muscular.

Well the tumor is gone... and much of the muscle in my neck.  On Monday I start radiation for only 7 weeks!  Almost there.

the mask

If only this post were about this mask...

Instead it is about my blue mask.  Today I was fitted for the mask I am going to wear during radiation.  You can't move at all during radiation because many beams are being shot through you and they need to hit very specified areas.  For some cases, in order in insure accuracy, the patient is tattooed at the point where the beam will hit.  My father had cancer when I was a senior in high school and this is what they did for him.  He still has little dot tattoos from when he had radiation.  I never expected to get any tattoos, ever.  Alas, I will not have to.  Instead I get a mask.  Today was just my radiation simulation, not the actual radiation, so I am a little foggy on the exact details of the process... Apparently I will lay on a table and my mask will be placed on my face and shoulders, and they will sort of "screw" it into place in the table... so I really can't move at all.  Then I will get radiation for like 5-10 minutes.  They'll unscrew the mask and I am off on my way.  I will do this everyday Monday-Friday for 6-7 weeks.  Could be worse.
Today they had me change into a gown and they laid me on a table to get a CT scan.  It was unlike any other CT scan I have had before.  They taped wire around my flap on my neck so it was clear in the CT scan.

The flap looks really good... right?

I had to hold on tight to some handles to pull my shoulders down so they had a better shot at my neck.  Then they took this warmed blue plastic to mold the mask out of.  I had to stay very still while they molded it around my face.  It is very tight fitting.  Apparently even facial hair messes it up and men have to shave before they can be fitted for their mask.

After the mask hardened they fixed me down, did a quick CT scan, took it off and gave me a tour of the radiation center.  Should all be very simple next time I am there.

By the way... I named my mask.  It is called 'The Tardis'.